google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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