She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
