3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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