you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize