What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
