So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
