I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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