I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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