Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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