i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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