dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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