Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
