Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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