I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
