And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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