I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
