I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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