Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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