Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she looked like the before picture.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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