Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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