she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
