At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
