my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
