After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
