i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
