either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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