Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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