Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
