yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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