his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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