hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
