Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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