I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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