I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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