You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this hospital has no fireball
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
