i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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