On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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