yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
