I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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