she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
