I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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