Don't you send me to vm
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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