hotel room ftw
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
