i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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