i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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