His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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