Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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