Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
