Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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