My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
