So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
