at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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