Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize