Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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