Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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