by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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