Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
