All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
