what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
