My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
