Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize