I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
