Quick, to the slutcave!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
