We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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