A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
