On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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