you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
