yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
