I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
