i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize