Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
