Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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