my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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