Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
