2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
