I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
