Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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