Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
