I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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