I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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